Dannilion.com "I find penguins at present the only comfort in life. One feels everything in the world so sympathetically ridiculous; one can't be angry when one looks at a penguin." – John Ruskin

I’ve had an interesting time. I saw my GP. He persuaded me to try codeine again, at a higher dose. It worked… for the first 90 minutes. Then I had the most horrendous stomach cramps- worse than the pain I was already in. So I stopped taking it. A week later, I ended up in A+E because the pain was unbearable. The morphine I was given also gave me stomach cramps. Because the doctor was able to ask what they were like while I was there, I was able to describe that they were like spasms (I have very poor body awareness and also a bad short/medium term memory, so after they’ve finished I can’t remember what they’re like). She had a think, gave me buscopan and it worked! No more stomach cramps. She also gave me tramadol to last a week (well, until the next morning with a prescription for the week) to last until I saw my GP.

My GP took me off the tramadol and put me back on the codeine, with the buscopan. It works, but it turns out not all the tummy troubles were spasms- I still get a really sore, uncomfortable abdomen with the codeine, but without the spasms I’m not rolling around in agony. I’m taking it because my experiment of not taking it failed, but I’m not happy as tramadol didn’t cause the same problems, and worked better. I am aware that the tramadol shouldn’t really be taken with the other medication I’m on though as it can cause fits, so I’m being a good girl (mostly).

Seeing the doctor also made me a lot more ill. He had me trying to stand up and trying to walk, which exhausted me so much, I’ve been bedbound pretty much all the time since then. Yeah, thanks. I’m currently refusing to go back there, as it’s not worth making myself more ill over it. I need more codeine though, as I only had 2 weeks worth from the first time, so I need to figure out a way of getting a prescription without getting out of bed or using the phone. I suspect I may be writing a letter, then asking Johan to take it down there.

I did manage to get out of bed long enough to go to college last Monday, but I couldn’t concentrate and I really wasn’t well enough to be there, as now I can’t even sit up unsupported for a few minutes. I’ve fallen really behind on Computing, especially since my brain is really foggy. It is half term next week though, so I’m hoping to be able to catch up a bit. I also need to do a bit of catching up with Interface work, but that’s not quite as difficult so shouldn’t take too long, though if it’s worksheets I’ll need a scribe as I can’t hold a pen for much longer than to sign my signature.

Some good news though- my laptop has been repaired, and now works mostly okay. It needs a new battery (not covered by insurance) but it lasts long enough, and since I don’t move around much I can keep it plugged in. It also means that when my concentration comes back I can do some Computing work in bed, as the laptop has Windows on it and runs well enough for VB.Net. I can also play World of Warcraft on it. It’s not good enough for instances or raids, but it’s okay for chatting and dailies. It’s also lighter and cooler than Johan’s laptop, so better for me in bed. I’m really happy to have it back.

In World of Warcraft, I’ve completed my first level 85 normal dungeon! Possibly not the biggest achievement, but it felt good and went well. I could tell how healing has changed, and how I need to adapt for when I get to heroics and raids. I also went to ICC and did a ton of hardmodes, and achievements. It was a lot of fun, as with being all level 85 it didn’t require much concentration, and I already knew most of the fights. I’m hoping to be able to do the rest of it with the same group.

My mood has been a bit up and down, mostly because of pain and being fed up of being stuck in bed. Overall it’s good, I just get a bit sad or upset when I can’t do something, like sit up. Johan’s been pretty ill though- he had a breakdown, and his anxiety and depression got really bad, and he couldn’t speak. He’s back on medication to help with anxiety, and has been referred to the CMHT to get help overall. We know the main cause is being under so much stress from looking after me, but he needs a bit of help to get through this patch.

We finally got our Social Services assessments. The conclusion is I should be entitled to quite a bit of help with personal care, and hopefully Johan can get some respite. Eventually, I’ll probably get a personal assistant, who may be able to help me with getting to and from college. That would be awesome. We also have forms to fill in to move house, on medical needs. I need a property which has level or ramped access, an adapted bathroom, and that is generally wheelchair accessible, since it doesn’t look like I’ll be walking any time soon. When we have moved, I’ll be getting an electric wheelchair if my appeal for higher rate mobility is successful, which would be awesome, as it would give me so much independence.

I’m trying to think of things that I can do in bed, that won’t make me any more ill. I really need to spend less time on my laptop, and I can’t concentrate well enough to read, so I’m thinking of maybe getting some crafty stuff like beads to work with for when I’m not napping. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get up and maybe go out soon. I’m on day four of not biting my nails, so I’m hoping to get some nail varnish and things to make them pretty

I’ll try not to take so long over my next blog post