Category: Gaming

Danni

Things Feel Weird

Autism, Computers, Danni, Gaming, Loom Bands, M.E., Mental Health, Physical Disability, Real Life

I’m doing pretty good for me. Having Johan home all the time means no waiting for urgent care and shorter waits for less urgent care, which means I’m physically doing a bit better. Not being alone in the flat most of the day is great for my anxiety, even though I’m still spending most of my time alone. Unlike most people, I am used to being unable to go out or see friends and family, so a few more months isn’t going to make much of a difference (I last got out of bed on the 29th of December).

Being that little bit better means I can do my favourite things, like play video games and read a bit. I’ve managed to watch Steven Universe The Movie, and the first two episodes of Steven Universe Future. I’ve caught up with YouTube videos I have full notifications turned on for. I’ve had video chats with Sammie, voice chats with Johan and even was in a group chat with other This is True supporters (that last one did mean I slept for most of the next two days, but was fun). I even got my loom bands out and made a strap for when I use utensils and things so they don’t go flying when I spasm (looms hold things together when they get chucked, luckily).

We’ve also had many friends and organisations check we’re okay and offered to help if we needed it. So far it’s fine. Between deliveries and our local shop, we’ve been able to get everything we’ve needed except chicken, and that we can work around. I’m very grateful we’re not forgotten and hope those who do need the help get it.

It feels really weird to be doing well during a global crisis. The reason Johan is home is because people are becoming ill and dying from a virus with no known treatment. People are losing jobs and worse. I saw on Twitter someone being told that instead of getting personal protective equipment for her PAs (impossible to source as a single person right now) she should go in a care home, despite having been exposed to someone with COVID-19 symptoms. Care homes are terrible places for disabled people even in the best of times. This is wrong, just for the need of some face masks.

There are still some struggles. As we’re doing a modified version of shielding for me (because full shielding is impossible if you need personal care and I’m technically not in the extremely vulnerable group, just in the likely to die if there’s not enough medical care available group) the lack of skin contact hand holds (we hold hands while Johan is wearing gloves instead) and hugs is hard. As is knowing I’ll not be seeing Sammie or friends in person for a while, after having plans to do so. Johan is starting to feel cooped up, so we’re trying to figure out the safest way for them to go out (the main risk being our neighbour). It’s also a bit frustrating being well enough to go out for the first time in months but not being able to for reasons outside of my control.

I’m in the middle of setting up some routines based on our current circumstances, as my previous ones were based around my care calls, which we’ve now cancelled (along with the cleaner). I’ve got a list of options for things to do so I spend less time trying to figure them out. I’m working on the best way to prompt Johan to do tasks now their routine has also been messed up, and to replace the prompts from the carers and the cleaner (the better care workers would let us know if things needed doing which helped).

One problem we’ve yet to solve is Johan getting overwhelmed if I ask for two things at once, even if I give an order to do them in. I need to do so as if I don’t, I forget the second thing while the first is being done, and Johan gets frustrated when I realise again 10 minutes or so after they’ve sat back down. I also forget it if I try to type it. I know Johan finds my memory problems one of the hardest parts of my illness to cope with, and this situation makes it really obvious.

I’m frustrated that I can’t be the carer that Johan needs. Johan is frustrated that they struggle with providing some of my care. We’re still doing mostly fine, and not having to travel to work (or volunteering) means Johan has been able to cook more which I appreciate. I just don’t know how I’m meant to feel, and that feels weird.

Danni

Self Isolation Update

Autism, Computers, Danni, Gaming, M.E., Physical Disability, Real Life

So it didn’t take long after my last post for things to change. Johan’s races were cancelled, and we decided that putting me in a care home was not a good idea considering it would increase the risks to me and the other residents. Johan is also now working from home, as is everyone else in the office.

Johan still took the days booked off as holiday last week, which was Wednesday and Friday. On Wednesday we spent time together in my room, and they opened my curtain and window for me so I could get some fresh air (I originally wanted to go onto the ramp but we decided that wasn’t the best plan). Unfortunately I forgot to ask to have the curtain put up again, and the extra light in my bedroom caused me to feel horrendous over the weekend. It’s back up and I’m doing a bit better now.

Friday was originally meant to be Johan goes to Kielder day. Instead, it was Johan plays Doom Eternal day. I did get to see them occasionally, but mostly I heard lots of clicky noises from the living room 😛 At some point we want to play the board game Pandemic, as I’ve had it for ages but not opened it yet.

Johan working from home is weird. Having them in the living room all day but not being able to just bug them about little things is weird, especially as they’re usually in a voice or video chat with colleagues so I can’t just yell through. We’re using the same system as when they were in the office, which is using WhatsApp for non important stuff (like funny pictures or tweets I find) and Google Hangouts for urgent stuff (I need some care doing). If it’s super duper important, I’ll yell anyway as the rest of the team knows that Johan is my carer, but hopefully it won’t come to that. (If I can’t yell, then I can use the Google Nest Minis to broadcast a message into the living room, which is also part of my wake up Johan plan on a night time.)

At the moment we still have the care workers still coming in. On top of the normal hand washing and gloves, they’re also wearing aprons now. We’ve told the agency that if/when they start having staffing problems, just let us know and they can cut our calls as Johan is here. It will make things harder for us but a lot of the clients have no-one so they’ll need to prioritise. We’re also considering if it might be safest to cancel the calls anyway, to reduce the chance of me catching the virus from them. We’ll need to check with the council for how that will work with direct payments but we’re not there yet.

Sammie is happy that there’s no school and her exams are cancelled. She was really stressed out about her GCSEs and I was getting worried about her. If her teacher’s assessment is close to her predicted grades she’s got no problems when it comes to doing the college course she’s interested in. We don’t know if her school will be providing any work as they’ve already done the curriculum and were just revising and getting prepared for the exams, but if not then she’s got projects she wants to work on. We’re also playing Minecraft together when we get the chance, and I believe she’s got an island to develop for her animal friends.

The hardest part of being in self isolation is that I won’t get to see Sammie in person for the foreseeable future. We’ll be video chatting as normal, but it’s not the same. This is especially hard as the last time she came over I was pretty ill and we couldn’t have any hugs. I’m also no longer having hugs or hand holds with Johan, and we’re reducing physical contact to the minimum. We go on voice chat when I’m on my puter and they’re not working so we can chat without being in the same room.

Johan is still going out for prescriptions and food, but otherwise is staying in. We did manage to get some baby wipes from Aldi, and I found an unopened bottle of alcohol based hand sanitiser that has technically expired but should still be okay according to what I’ve read online, so I’m now using that.

One of the reasons we’re being so strict about physical contact with me is that the NICE guidelines for critical care with COVID-19 came out. They will be using the Clinical Frailty Scale (pdf) to help inform when critical care is appropriate, as for those with a score of five or higher “there is uncertainty regarding the likely benefit of critical care organ support”. My score is seven or severely frail . Now this doesn’t mean that if I need critical care I definitely won’t get it, but as doctors already massively underestimate my quality of life (I’ve had many that don’t believe me when I say I’m not depressed among other things) and there is likely to be a shortage of ventilators, there’s a good chance that if I get that ill, I’ll be placed on palliative care instead.

As well as trying to avoid me getting ill at all, I’ll also be updating my emergency information sheet to state I want all life saving measures to be taken if required, and make sure that those who might be asked know my wishes. I still think the main risk is less the virus itself and it making my ME worse, as I’ve ended up in hospital before when unable to swallow and it would be even harder now. Unfortunately a couple of online friends have already come down with suspected COVID-19, one of whom is still in hospital. I really hope they’ll be okay. It’s so important for people to stay at home unless necessary, but some people haven’t got that yet.

So on to better stuff. Other than the payback from sensory overload caused by not having my curtain up for a couple of days, I’ve been doing pretty well for me. Lots of computer time, catching up with emails, chatting to Sammie and Johan. I’ve also been looking at the positives that are coming out of this. Everything from the mutual aid groups, people putting rainbows in their windows for kids to spot when they’re out on walks, individuals helping out those in need, and even companies giving free drinks to those who have to work.

For this week, I’m hoping to play more World of Warcraft and Minecraft, maybe read a book, and possibly watch the Steven Universe film. I’m also planning on lots of sleep and rest to keep myself as well as possible, doing my physiotherapy, and chatting to Sammie and Johan. I’ll be on Twitter so I can see penguin and cat pictures and videos. I’m going to set up a routine based around Johan working, especially since I seem to be awake during the day most of the time at the moment. Things may be uncertain right now, but there is still good out there.

Danni

Coronavirus and Stuff

Computers, Danni, Gaming, M.E., Minecraft, Physical Disability, Real Life, World of Warcraft

I spent most of February sleeping and feeling rubbish because of a cold (not sure if it was the same one from January or a different one). When I was awake, I mostly played Merge Dragons as it required pretty much no thinking power (and I used walk-throughs for the levels I was struggling with). I did have Sammie come over during February half term, but was too ill for hugs. Next time she’s over we’ll have to make up for it, but seeing her made me very happy 🙂

March is being better. I got my hair washed yesterday for the first time since November which is awesome. I’m able to go on my computer again and that means playing other games. First of all, I was one day away from getting enough Mechagon rep to get flying in World of Warcraft Battle for Azeroth areas. It took me about an hour but I did it! I can now fly everywhere that has flying enabled so I’m very happy.

The second was that Ellen, Bilbo‘s mum, created a Minecraft server for fans of Bilbo called Bilbcraft. Sammie and Johan had been playing a lot of it, including when I had Sammie over here during February half term, and I really wanted to play as well. Since being well enough to go on my computer, that’s been the main game I’ve been playing. I have a penguin main base, and a little island getaway which is great for exploring an area most people haven’t been to. I’m building up the courage to go to the nether and the end soon, as I want to build ender chests to make moving my stuff around easier. I’m not always well enough to interact with the other players, but they’re really friendly 🙂

The biggest news we have is that Johan now has a paid job! They started just over a week ago, and as it’s the game company they previously volunteered for we know the boss is very understanding of our situation (and me needing Johan to come home with pretty much no notice at times). The hours are relatively flexible as well so we can work around my appointments and such. It does mean claiming Universal Credit instead of ESA. So far we’ve had the ID check and made Johan my appointee again (luckily no arguments there) so Johan can do everything needed for me. I might need to go through another work capability assessment, but hopefully it’ll be fine.

We also got a refund on our Bedroom Tax a few weeks ago. Johan sent an email to the council telling them we didn’t think we should be paying it because I need a separate bedroom for medical reasons, and after a few months we got a letter back saying they agreed and refunded us back to when the law was clarified in 2017. The timing was great as we got it just before Johan got their job so we’re using that to pay the bills until payday and Universal Credit is sorted out. Johan was also able to go down to London to see friends which was awesome.

So Coronavirus is the big news story at the moment. It’s not widespread in the UK at the moment, but it’s probable that will change at some point soon. People have been stockpiling items like hand sanitiser, toilet roll and baby wipes. I’m unable to wash my hands due to having no access to a sink, so rely on hand sanitiser to keep them clean. I do have half a bottle left, but it’s not alcohol based and from what I could Google is only partially effective against viruses. Johan has been trying to get me an alcohol based bottle, but they’ve been sold out everywhere. I also need baby wipes and am really hoping we can get some before running out.

I’m not particularly worried about getting it myself. Being mostly bed bound means I have limited contact with other people, and the carers wear gloves for all personal care tasks. This would be fine, except next week Johan is going to Kielder and that means I’m going into a care home. I don’t usually have much contact with the other residents as I tend to stay in bed there as well, but it’s a lot easier for a virus to spread there than at home.

If I were to get it, I’m not at high risk of having a severe case of coronavirus itself, as my lungs are pretty much the only part of me that seem to work correctly. The problem is even a mild cold causes my ME to become much worse, and if it were to be particularly severe then I could end up at the point of not being able to chew again which is not great. I do have an N95 mask if needs be, and gloves, but avoidance is currently the best plan.

Johan is asthmatic, so I’m more worried about them getting it. Swine flu made them very ill, and I made my ME much worse trying to care for them at that point (I could still crawl back then). We do have the care agency, but we’re not sure how quarantine would work for them. If it were me to get it then Johan would probably be able to take time off work if working from home isn’t an option (I dunno how realistic it is), but if Johan got really ill I might need to go into a care home again, while being isolated, and I have no idea how that would work. I’m also slightly concerned about the care home being put in quarantine while I’m in there, but since it’s next Wednesday and only for a week hopefully it will be fine. Needing pretty much 24 hour care complicates things a lot.

The people I’m most worried about are my friends who are immunocompromised or whose ME is much more severe than mine. Already some have been told by their doctors to avoid going out outside or socialising, and I know myself how horrible being isolated is, and it’s somehow even worse if you’re well enough to do things but can’t because of external factors. I really hope they stay safe and that the people around them help them avoid getting it.

In the meantime, I hope that Johan recovers from the knee injury that they got at the weekend so they can actually run at Dark Skies Kielder in just over a week, we can get hold of some baby wipes and hopefully some more hand sanitiser, as well as more food as the shop we did had half the order missing. I’m also wanting a bath while at the care home, as baths are awesome and I don’t have a proper one here. And while I’m well enough I’m going on my puter to farm sheep and fight old Gods as often as I can 🙂

Danni

Day 26 – New Tablet

2019, Computers, Danni, Gaming, M.E., NaBloPoMo, Physical Disability, Real Life, World of Warcraft

I got very lucky and my new tablet was delivered Tuesday afternoon. I still have some final setting up to do but it’s working, rooted and it charges!

Tuesday was a good day. While on my computer I managed to sort out all my emails including setting up new filters so my inbox is less overwhelming, update my care call spreadsheet (43 different care workers so far this year, 87 since I started with the agency in 2017, not including any that weren’t on my rota), and play some World of Warcraft. Got to honoured with Rustbolt Resistance and did some of the Pilgrim’s Bounty quests so I’m happy there.

The physiotherapist came, and it was fine. I’m to continue doing the exercises I’ve got when I can, and when I’m ready to progress to more ask my GP to refer me back and she’ll see me again. Since it’s going to take a while to see much improvement it makes sense to discharge me, but if I’ve got any issues I’m just to ask for another referral. She also gave me some utensil holders from the OTs to see if it’ll make feeding myself bit easier. They’re different from the ones I’ve already tried and it looks like they might work so I’m excited to try them.

I was still feeling okay after the physio left so I talked Johan into taking me to the barbers. It was raining, and it felt amazing to feel it on my face. It was a little awkward and scary getting me up the step inside, but inside was spacious and they had no problems shaving my head. There was no music playing which was a bonus, and the other barber putting the telly on didn’t bother me with my ear plugs in.

Danni in their wheelchair. They are smiling and have a shaved head with only a tiny amount of hair left, and are wearing a purple coat and glasses.

They took a lot of care, and I felt more comfortable than at the other barber I’ve been to. It was also cheaper (though I added a tip as I was so happy). They called us both sir, which I found amusing (I’m normally read as female by people under 70). The only minor downside was the smelly spray they used at the end (nice scent but a bit strong for me) but I’ll just ask them not to use it next time. I’m definitely going back there, and as it’s so close hopefully more frequently than every 7 months.

My tablet arrived at the local shop not long after I got back, so Johan went to get it then left me with it and the Surface (so I could put TeamWin on it) while he went to the doctors to sort out my tramadol (the electronic prescription didn’t go through properly or something, but I have them now). By the time he got back I was getting pretty tired as I’d been up since Monday evening, so he went for his run while I got my tablet to a working state then went to sleep.

I’m writing this on Wednesday morning (though it’s still Tuesday in some of America) and I’m a bit annoyed as my digestive system has decided to play up. Nothing I haven’t experienced before but it hurts and I’d like more sleep please. Hopefully it’ll settle down so I can rest more. I suspect the rest of the day I’ll be finishing sorting out my tablet and resting after yesterday.

While I was asleep Johan managed to get my old tablet to charge with one specific cable (probably bent just right to make contact) so he’s taken that, wiped it (as I didn’t need the nandroid backup as I’d already done a fresh install of Resurrection Remix) and installed Pixel Experience (Android 10). He says it runs much faster than when I was using it (I need a lot of accessibility apps which slow things down) so he’s happy, and I’m happy it’s not just a deadweight. I’m still glad I replaced it as I move so much that I’d probably mess the cable up so it no longer charged at all. Yay!

Danni

Day 19 – Minecraft Skins

2019, Danni, Gaming, Gender Stuff, Minecraft, NaBloPoMo, Real Life

Had a better day today. Had diet cola to give me a bit of a boost and it helped massively with getting rid of zombie brain mode. I like caffeine, just don’t want to get to the point where I’m dependent on it as I already have a bad enough headache without adding another.

Someone from the opticians came out with some purple frames for me to try and I was able to find ones I liked for both my normal glasses and sunglasses, so that is good. I should get them in a week or two. I’m looking forward to being able to see properly again!

There were workers outside finishing off deholing the hole. We think they’re done as there are no longer barriers, though the new pavement surface was still steaming when Johan took the photo. I managed to get my headphones on and listened to some music so the noise didn’t affect me too badly (yay for being well enough to listen to music!).

Spoke to Sammie on and off after she finished school. She is much happier than she was yesterday which I’m glad of. For the past few weeks she’s been working on some trans flag based skins for Minecraft and today she finished them! I promised I’d share them with the world as I think they’re awesome. (Sammie isn’t trans, she’s just very supportive of her trans friends and family.) There are boy, girl and non binary options with different skin tones and for both 3 and 4 pixel models. I’m really proud of her 🙂

Link: Trans Minecraft Skins

Screenshots of various different skins in Minecraft. There are different skin colour, hair length and outfit options, all with a pink, white and blue theme.