Things and Stuff

So I had a relapse. Luckily a short one (only a couple of weeks) but it was a hard one. Lots of paralysis, loss of speech, extreme sensory sensitivities, difficulty chewing, moving and swallowing. Not fun.

I think I have to accept I’m not improving as fast as I hoped. Watching telly and playing Minecraft are too much for me at the moment. The second one hurts as it’s something I like to do with Sammie, but the movement makes me dizzy and more nauseous. I’ll have to think of something else we can play together, though for now we just talk while she plays games on her computer and I do whatever.

Urgent things on the to-do list are a hair wash and bedding change. I only want to do it with a carer I trust as I’m still not quite back to where I was. I really desperately want a shower but no hoist or shower chair makes that impossible. I had a bath last June in the care home but I really need something a bit more frequent than that. Bed baths just aren’t the same and I have a build up of dry skin on parts of my body again (there is a rule at the care agency that they’re allowed to apply makeup but not creams. I have no idea why or what the logic behind this is).

I admitted on Tumblr I’m not sure that I’m a cis (not trans) female. I know I’m not male but also don’t feel female, though do like being feminine sometimes. Since I learnt that gender isn’t a binary I realised that just because I’m not male it doesn’t automatically make me female. I think I need to do a bit of exploring in that area. I’m not particularly bothered about pronouns (though male ones do make me look at you weird) and Danni is pretty gender neutral anyway so there’s not much to change. Just something for me to sort out. I’m going with genderqueer or gender questioning for now. (My sexuality is still the same- I’m bisexual/pansexual, depending on definition, as I’m attracted to those of all genders and of no gender. Gender just isn’t a big thing to me.) Identity is important and interesting.

It’s funny but the thing I missed most during the relapse other than talking to Sammie was playing World of Warcraft. I missed the end of the Love is in the Air holiday (so didn’t get all the achievements I wanted) and most of the Lunar Festival. Patch 6.1 has come out and I’ve no idea what I’m doing. I’m still not well enough to do much in game so it’ll take me a bit to catch up I think.

We’re finally getting some of the old furniture out and next week we’re getting the daybed. Esther will have a proper bed to sleep on (we already have the mattress but the sofa is in the way). When I eventually get the hoist sorted I might be able to spend time in another room!

What has been keeping me sane the last few weeks are tablet games. I’m currently playing High School Story, Hollywood U, DragonVale, Kim Kardashian Hollywood (I feel like the only one still playing this), Sudoku and now AdVenture Capitalist. Simple games that require little brain power or movement but keep me entertained. I’m hoping as I get back to where I was I’ll be able to play more complicated ones. I’ve also restarted playing Draw Something as it’s fun.

Communication issues suck. We need a better system to get things done when I’m not well enough to do them (especially food shops). Brain power not good enough to manage to figure this out yet. I need an advocate for health/care stuff, but don’t know how to get one.

Grah. Sometimes I wish life were easier. At least I have people who love me and care about me. It helps a lot 🙂

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