Author: Danni

The Purple Penguin! 31 year old autistic geek, living in bed with severe ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis). Likes gaming, purple and penguins.
Danni

Day 17 – 20 More Random Questions

2019, Danni, Meme, NaBloPoMo

I spent most of the day asleep and my brain is mushy so answering more questions today. As I’m on my laptop it’s doing the list differently from yesterday.

  1. Are you a dog person or cat person? – Cat. I really like dogs but I love cats more. If Johan wasn’t severely allergic to them I’d be asking the council for special permission to have a cat (as we have a communal entrance we’re not usually allowed cats or dogs here).
  2. Are you a fan of any sports team? – I like watching football and cricket. For football, I support England, Iceland, Liverpool FC, AFC Wimbledon and Gateshead FC (both men’s and women’s). For cricket, I support England, Iceland, Durham and Lancashire. I’m s member of the Dons Trust (owners of AFC Wimbledon) and I donated towards the Iceland cricket team.
  3. Are you a good cook? – Before I got ill, I was pretty scared of cooking, because it tended to involve hot and sharp things that could hurt (and frequently did because I’m clumsy). I did make an okay chicken and mushroom risotto and roast dinner though, and I miss my orange soup (carrot, butternut squash and sweet potato).
  4. Are you an early adopter or late adopter? – I used to be an early adopter, getting the first Android phone (T-Mobile G1 in the UK) and often running beta or even alpha versions of software. More recently I’ve been content waiting a little bit before getting things. I only got WhatsApp a few days ago.
  5. What is good about how you are living your life right now? – I’m mostly happy. Having lived for over a decade with severe depression, I didn’t think it would ever be possible for me to be happy again. I also have some amazing family and friends that make life awesome.
  6. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? – Not having Severe ME would be good. Either that or my anxiety/panic attacks. They suck.
  7. Who is the best teacher you’ve ever had? – At school, Mrs Gregory, my year head and French teacher at my second secondary school. She believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. In college, my tutor Louise, who basically saved my life at one point.
  8. Who is the first person you message when something exciting happens? – This is the purpose of the group chat with Johan and Sammie. For most things, I want them to know at the same time.
  9. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows? – Yes.
  10. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? – Yes. So can Sammie. Johan can’t, so he calls me a show off when I do so 😛
  11. Can you whistle? – Sometimes. I used to be able to be able to reliably but not so much since I got really ill. I can no longer whistle with my fingers.
  12. Do you remember your dreams? – As I wake up multiple times during sleep, I usually end up remembering a couple of them. I’d rather not when they’re nightmares.
  13. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? – I save special ones in my memory box. I have a couple of cards that I put on the wall as they’re so pretty.
  14. Do you sleep with the lights on or off? – Off. I also wear an eye mask so the light from elsewhere doesn’t bother me. I press a button on my tablet and it starts my sleep tracking and turns the lights off at the same time, which is awesome.
  15. Do you have a garden? – Technically yes. We share one with the other flats in the block. Unfortunately there are steps to it, so I’ve only seen it once (from the doorway) and never been in it.
  16. Do you have any allergies? – Yup. Hay fever was the first I noticed as a teen. Then I became allergic to amoxicillin, citalopram (an antidepressant) and plasters. I also have random reactions to various other things like going outside, many perfumes, and at least one type of food (possibly green bell peppers but I’m not 100% sure). I have intolerances to some medication (not allergic but side effects are unbearable) including paracetamol, codeine and oramorph. I suspect there’s something fishy going on with my immune system.
  17. Do you carry a donor card? – I don’t have a physical card any longer, but I have signed up to the donor register and made it clear to Johan that I want anything that’s usable to be donated. I used to carry one as a child.
  18. Do you have a best friend, if so, then who? – Johan. I’m very happy to be married to my best friend 🙂 I also have a small group of very good friends who I know I can turn to if needed. I’m very lucky.
  19. What is something that amazes you? – Many things. The universe. New discoveries. People’s capacity to love and help others. That we exist.
  20. What is at the top of your bucket list? – This is a hard question, as there are so many things I want to do. Going on holiday with Johan and Sammie would be pretty high. On the more extravagant side I want to go on a plane and see penguins in the wild. If I could be healthy or even reliably able to get out of bed, that would be amazing.

Danni

Day 16 – 20 Random Questions

2019, Danni, Meme, NaBloPoMo, Real Life

Back when blogs were bigger (mostly before everyone was on Facebook), there used to be these blog surveys that would go around the various blog communities. I always enjoyed them, so I’m taking some I found by randomly googling (from https://www.tagquestions.net/get-to-know-me-tag/) and answering them here. As it’s my blog, I’m just picking some I want to answer.

1. What is your full name? – Danni Dominie Brennand.

2. What does your name mean? – Danni comes from Daniel, meaning God is my judge. Dominie comes from dominus, meaning lord or master, but this particular spelling can also mean a schoolmaster in Scots or a minister. Brennand comes from old English meaning burnt hand. I didn’t know that when I got married.

3. Are you named after anyone? – Not that I can remember. I think my mum just liked the name, but I could be wrong.

4. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? – I already did 🙂 My mum always wanted to call me Danni, but was told it wasn’t a proper name so I was baptised Danielle. I changed it via deed poll to Danni a few years ago. If I had to change it to something completely different, maybe Alex. I’d have gone with Sammie but I already used that for my daughter.

5. Where did you grow up? – I grew up in Liverpool. Despite years of trying, I never did manage a Scouse accent. Mine is best described as generic northern English. Interestingly, Sammie still sounds quite like me despite us not living together since she was three.

6. What would your parents have named you if you were assigned male at birth? – Bartholomew. I was born before the Simpsons came out so I think I had a lucky escape there.

7. What is your biggest accomplishment? – Surviving severe depression. I still have significant mental health issues with anxiety, panic attacks and flashbacks, but I now want to be alive. It took a lot of help from many awesome people and a decent amount of luck to be able to recover from it. I still sometimes wonder how I managed to survive and am now mostly happy.

8. What is your biggest fear? – Personal? Pain. To a ridiculous degree. I have many phobias all of which come down to being afraid of pain. I’m scared of needles, fire, boiling liquids, knives, ovens, falling, traffic and wasps among other things. The silly part is I live with constant severe pain and deal with it relatively okay, but I’m still scared of things that would be much less painful. I’m also scared of something bad happening to my loved ones, especially Sammie and Johan, but I think that’s more understandable.

9. What inspires you? – People, especially those I know, overcoming major obstacles to achieve their goals. I’m lucky to see examples of this frequently.

10. What is the most important thing in your life? – Silly answer? Penguins 🐧. Serious answer? Sammie and Johan.

11. What has required the most courage of you in your life so far? – Admitting that I was too ill to look after Sammie. I love her so much and wish that we could live together, but it’s better for her to be living with her grandparents. I’m really happy that I’m able to be a part of her life still via the internet and visits.

12. What is your favourite drink? – Hot chocolate with whipped cream, sprinkles and marshmallows.

13. What are your favourite foods? – Chocolate, bananas, chicken and sweet potato. I’ve had various combinations but not all in one dish before. When I’m able to cook again I’ll have to do some experimenting.

14. What is your favourite holiday destination? Of the places I’ve been, Talhenbont Hall in North Wales. It’s beautiful and I have some great memories from there. I’d love to go back some day.

15. What is your favourite type of clothing? – Comfortable, preferably purple and with penguins on. When I could stand I loved spinny skirts. I also like a shirt and tie. I mostly wear t-shirts or pyjamas now, being in bed nearly all the time.

16. What is your favourite way to pass time? Playing a game in the company of my favourite people. We don’t need to be talking or even interacting (though that’s still great), just being comfortable together in the same space.

17. What was your favourite subject in school? IT. I was good at it, I loved using computers and there was very little handwriting involved.

18. What was your least favourite subject in school? For most of it, art. I was terrible at it and could never get it how I wanted. I had an awesome teacher for it in year 9 though so it was fun that year.

19. What was your favourite TV show when you were a child? – This changed depending on age. Some I remember include Rainbow, Wacaday, The Queen’s Nose, The Demon Headmaster, The Worst Witch, Clarissa Explains it All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. When I was 13 I got really into Star Trek and that’s still one of my favourite shows.

20. Are you scared of heights? – Nope. I’m afraid of falling, because it’ll hurt, but so long as I’m strapped in or safe then I really like them. It used to surprise people when I was younger that I had no problems with tall rollercoasters or climbing as I was so scared and anxious otherwise.

Danni

Day 15 – Hole

2019, Danni, NaBloPoMo, Real Life
A large trench with brown water at the bottom, surrounded by barriers.

Fixing the power cut yesterday left a huge hole in the ground outside our flat, and the barriers blocked the ramp which is the only way I can get in and out (the other entrance has steps). The workers yesterday said that it would be sorted today.

They did sort out a bit of a gap this morning, but though it was big enough to walk through, it wasn’t big enough for a standard wheelchair, never mind my long one. This was a problem. As the workers had disappeared by the time my care worker got here, she couldn’t ask them how long it would be, so I asked on Twitter.

A nice person told me where to look up dug up holes (one.network) and it said the hole outside my flat would be fixed by the 20th. Now I don’t go out very often, but not being able to get out safely if needed makes me very anxious. I also just want to be able to if I happen to be well enough one day. I did not want to be trapped until Wednesday.

I sent a tweet to Northern Powergrid asking them what I was meant to do. They responded saying they’d send contractors to see if they could fix my access and though they couldn’t say when, it would be as soon as possible. At about 8.30pm we heard workpeople outside again, and they’d shifted enough stuff that Johan thinks we should be able to get me through. Result! I feel a lot better knowing I can get out if I want or need to. Happy Danni.

I thought that would be the end of the hole related events for today, but I was wrong. Shortly after the workers had left, a couple of people decided to go through the barriers, resulting in one of them walking into the hole. Johan looked out of the window to see what on earth was going on, and saw one of them trying to pull the other out of the hole. When they noticed him watching they weren’t happy to be watched, but I found it hilarious. As it’s been raining on and off all day the hole is half full of water but I’m not sure I’d want to bath in it. Maybe next time they’ll walk around the barriers instead.

Other than the hole stuff, today has been a bit of a mixed bag. I still feel rubbish from the flu jab and noise and stuff from yesterday. This morning Sammie wasn’t well so she didn’t make it to school, so I sent her some art supplies and chocolate via Prime Now. Being able to do that is awesome. I’m trying to start planning Christmas things but my brain is a bit bleh from everything, so maybe that can wait a little bit. I’ve at least figured out Sammie’s main present.

Tomorrow Johan has Parkrun but otherwise doesn’t have anything planned, so I’m hoping to spend some time with him if I’m awake. I think I might also listen to another episode of the Bilbcast as it’s awesome. I need to teach Sammie how to listen to podcasts on her phone so she can listen too. Bilbo is good.

Danni

Day 14 – Power Cut

2019, Danni, M.E., NaBloPoMo, Physical Disability, Real Life

I’m hoping that one day soon I get to have a peaceful day where I’m not just trying to minimise payback from activities and external events. Today was not going to be that day.

I didn’t sleep amazingly well last night, so I was hoping to be able to nap a bit this morning. That wasn’t going to happen. The council contractors arrived at ten to eight to start doing more work on the upstairs flat. I’ve got no idea what they’re doing or why it needs so much work when the last tenants were only there for a few months, but it involves drills and banging and lots of stomping on the stairs and slamming of doors.

Soon after 11am I got a phone call from Northern Powergrid on my mobile. I didn’t answer because I can’t manage phone calls. What I did do was go on the website to discover that there was a power cut in my area, including my postcode. At this point I still had power so I just carried on trying to distract myself from the noise, while also trying to get my phone and tablet charged (I had accidentally knocked my phone charger’s plug out so it hadn’t charged overnight, and the charging port on my tablet is pretty dodgy so I have to keep messing with it to get it to charge).

Lunchtime and it was one of my regular care workers, and she had a new one shadowing which I was okay with. She told me that half the street didn’t have any power, which confirmed what I’d seen online. The new care worker seemed nice and liked my care book and my penguins, so hopefully if I get her again it should be okay. Only problem is she has the same first name as one of my other care workers so that’s going to be confusing, especially as I forgot to ask for her surname.

At some point there was noise outside as well as noise from upstairs. It sounded like they were digging up the path outside my window (they were). Just before 3pm, I lost power. Luckily my phone had gotten pretty charged up by then, so I was able to let Johan know immediately. My mattress pump started complaining about the lack of power, but I couldn’t figure out what was causing the noise.

I keep a couple of torches next to my bed partially in case of this (and partially as one is also a laser pointer I like to play with) so I was able to use one to grab my battery powered penguin lights and I also spotted a load of glow sticks. I tried to find my battery pack but it wasn’t in my reach, so I grabbed the glow sticks and made a necklace, two bracelets and a butterfly toy from them. The glow sticks are a couple of years old so not the brightest now, but since my room is really dark without lights they still looked cool.

A very dark photo of Danni. Their face can just be seen by the light of a purple glow stick necklace and glow stick toy.

My afternoon care worker arrived at about half three. She couldn’t heat up my penguins as no power means no microwave, but she was able to sort my other stuff out using a torch. She did quickly look for my battery pack and some spare batteries for my penguin lights as they were pretty dim, but couldn’t find either. She also turned the alarm off my mattress pump which I was very grateful for.

Once she was gone I spent most of my time listening to the Bilbcast while on Twitter and playing with my glow stick toy. The noise from upstairs had stopped (I guess a power cut will do that) but the noise of digging up the path was pretty horrendous. Bilbcast on near max volume plus ear plugs and ear muffs meant I just about managed. The lack of heat (I usually have warm penguins, an electric blanket and a heat pad) meant I was starting to get cold and pain was becoming a problem, but there wasn’t much I could do about it.

Johan got home around quarter to six, and I immediately set him to finding me some warm socks and my battery pack (which was in my medicine drawer for some reason). Just as he was looking for replacement batteries the power came back on. We got confirmation via one of the workers that it was going to stay on so I got my penguins heated and turned my blanket on. It helped.

Since then Johan has gone out for a run, and via Twitter I was able to sort out getting Northern Powergrid to only send me text messages in future. I’m hoping not to have too much payback from this, but I’ve been running off adrenaline all day so we’ll see. I still have a cold and my arm is sore from the flu jab. Hopefully tomorrow will be quieter, though there’s a massive hole in the path that needs to be filled in.