I am awake and it’s nearly 5am. This is okay, as I had some sleep yesterday evening and I’ll sleep again whenever I get sleepy. I have no commitments or reasons to be awake at a certain time at the moment, so I’ll just do what my body wants it to do.
Sometimes though I wish I wasn’t ill, especially not as ill as this. I’m stuck in bed most to all of the day, and spend all my time in one room, the living room. I only manage to get out of bed occasionally because my computer chair is reachable from my bed, and because Johan helps me with going to the toilet and sometimes with baths. I can mostly cope with this, and my bed is pretty comfy and I have lots of pillows. Boredom isn’t a major issue because I talk to people on Twitter instead. But I am missing out, and that is not so good.
I missed Colin’s wedding. He’s one of my best friends, and I love him for it. I would have loved to have been there to see him get married and meet his step children (I have met his wife before as Colin brought her here to meet me). It was only in Gateshead, so if I’d been able to sit up for a bit I would have been able to go, but I was too ill so couldn’t.
My friends are going to a Christmas party, run by ME North East. There’s also an AYME meetup on the same day. I’m not well enough to go to either, even if it wasn’t the day after going into hospital to have my teeth removed. I need to lie down too much to be able to attempt it.
I’ve been invited to the Interface Christmas dinner. More friends, people I love spending time with. Unless I improve drastically in the next week, I won’t be well enough to go to that, either. I can talk to them on Facebook, but it’s not really the same.
I miss going to Church. I know that God doesn’t mind if I don’t go because of illness, but I miss the communal worship. Although I pray alone, it’s not the same. This is especially important at Christmas, as I love the Christmas carols that are sung and the Christmas story, told over advent.
I do appreciate that I am still a lot better than some people, and that I’m lucky to have my internet access so I can talk to people, especially since a lot of the time I’m too ill for visitors. It can just be hard though knowing I’m too ill to even go places in my wheelchair, and to be completely reliant on someone else to even stay fed.