One of the things I miss most now is singing. I used to sing to express emotion, and just because I enjoyed it. I wasn’t too bad at it either- I could normally keep in tune at least, and some people liked listening to it. Now I can’t. I know why- I don’t have the energy, memory or concentration, and my breath control is nowhere near good enough, but it still upsets me when I really really want to sing but know I can’t.
I think I’m starting to get a bit better after that relapse from the care home and stuff. Unfortunately after two good days my digestive system decided to play up (at one point mimicking the symptoms of appendicitis to scare me) but it’s mostly behaving again now (or at least back to normal levels of grumbling). Hopefully I’ll be able to be doing more again soon. I was a bit naughty and did some tidying up in my bedroom, once even getting out of bed (and shuffling on the floor on my bum when I discovered I couldn’t crawl). My sitting is better than it was, though my neck and back are still weak (my sitting on the floor was mostly bend over double with my head on my knee- luckily it wasn’t too uncomfortable :P).
Because of needing cyclizine to control really bad nausea (thanks to the digestive issues) I’ve been really dopey and out of it the last few days, as well as sleeping lots. I’m grateful I have my Chromecast as just putting random non-thinky stuff on there helps (sometimes I even just have the default screen with the photo slideshow on in the background so I have something I can look at). I got my birthday present from Johan this week, along with a few other stuff. My present is a purple t-shirt with a stick figure in bed, saying “My awesome is on strike.The duvet is overseeing essential negotiations…”, which is perfect for me. I love it 🙂
I really need to cut down on my Facebook useage. It’s the most draining of the social networks yet it’s really easy to be pulled into spending loads of time reading groups and stuff. I don’t want to leave it completely, but will need to think of a solution so it stops using so many of my spoons. Conversations through it are particularly draining, especially when they involve drama I don’t want to be involved with. It’s my only way of keeping in contact with some people I love though.
I don’t think I have anything big planned for a while. I think I’ll just take the time to do things that I’m able to do, and continue planning some big stuff (like going abroad, which I’m aware will be a bit into the future yet). I’ve resubscribed to World of Warcraft as I was missing my friends in there and I have stuff to do, so if I’m having a good day it’ll be fun to go in there. I’ve also got other games to play, and I still have the Young Wizards books to finish reading. I’m hoping to watch a couple of films if I can, so that will be good. I wish I were able to make firm plans, but that’s something this illness doesn’t allow. I find out how I’ll be doing at the time, and only have a limited amount of control over it. I try to make everything worth it anyway, and that’s mostly working 🙂
2 thoughts on “I Miss Singing”
Getting out of bed and bum-scooting is HUGE progress! It must feel really good to have some mobility, no matter what form. Tiny bits at a time to build up those muscles. I know I don’t have to tell you not to over do it.
I totally understand about the singing. I used to sing constantly and for several years I was in a band. Then of course ME arrived. It affects the strencth of my vocal chords as they are muscles too, as well as my breath control etc. I went from having a fairly paowerful voice that stayed in tune to having a voice that could barely fin9ish a song wihtout going off-key. It was one of my biggest losses from the illness 🙁