Some days are good.
Some days are bad.
Some days I really look forward to.
Some days I don’t.
Today is a good day. I am on my computer distracting myself from the pain and blehness by being a Night Elf Priest, helping people and smiting demons. I ate a meal and it’s only being annoyingly painful, not exceedingly so.
I’m looking forward to days in the near future, where I’ll play games with Sammie or watch a film. Where I’ll plan presents for her and my friends. Days where the pain stays at a level I can cope with with just my normal painkillers and stuff.
I’m hoping this December will be different from the last few, where I’ve got really ill and been paralysed. They were no fun. But I was still able to be happy because I know I have friends and family who love me, and penguins exist.
Penguins always make me happy. Even when I forget who I am because of illness.
A lot of the things people think are important aren’t. A person’s worth is not based on what job they do, what exams they pass. It’s based on how much they love. And every human is capable of love. It can be very hard sometimes, but I’ve never met anyone who couldn’t love. It might not be expressed how people expect, but even if they only love themselves, that counts. Every human has worth.
I hope that I’ll be out of bed soon, able to go into my wheelchair and out of this flat. But even if that doesn’t happen, I know that my life is worth living. Even when the pain is more than I can bear. Even when I don’t know who I am. My life is worth living. I don’t like it when people suffer, but we should try to reduce the suffering, not make them feel they’re not worth life, at least until it’s time for them to go.
I’m not scared to die. I don’t want it to happen for a very long time, but some things are out of my hands, and when I die is one of them. As it should be. I know that although there’s many things I want to do, I’ve done the most important, which is love and be loved. I hope I have much more time to do so, especially as I want to see Sammie continue to grow into her own, amazing person. But if I were to die soon, I know that things will be okay because of love.