Sexual Identity

I’ve known since I was 15 (when I first started experiencing sexual feelings) that I am bisexual. I’m attracted to females just as much as males. (I’m possibly pansexual, but as I’ve yet to knowingly meet someone who identifies as something other than male or female and be attracted to them, I can’t be certain yet.) This seemed perfectly normal to me, even though I was aware that hetrosexuality was the most prevelant. All my partners have been male, but that is mostly due to not knowing how to find a female partner (all the females I’ve been attracted to have been hetrosexual, taken or both) and I know I’m happy being monogamous so when I’ve been with a partner I’ve not been looking. Now of course I’m married to Johan.

I’m aware that most people will think I’m straight, as my bisexuality is not something I go talking about much and I have a male partner (Johan is straight). It’s not that I’m ashamed of it, it’s just not something that tends to come up in conversation. I’m also aware that I tend to think people are bisexual by default, unless told otherwise. I think that’s because I use myself as a starting point and think most people are like me, even though that’s not the case.

I don’t understand homophobia. Disliking people (or worse) because of who they’re attracted to just doesn’t make any sense to me. I know that I was probably born bi (I didn’t experience any sexual attraction before I was 15 but I do know I slightly preferred looking at images of women than men before then, which is still the case today) and hating people for who they are just seems wrong to me. This is especially the case as I’m a Christian, where the most important message I know of is to love your neighbour, and there’s no exception there for people different to you. I also dislike that many Christian churches are against gay rights (this was a major reason why I did not convert to Catholicism).

I’ve not been active in the LGBT community, though I am hoping to get more involved when I’m doing better. That I’ve only been able to marry Johan because he’s male and I’m female is wrong (and although civil partnerships are better than nothing, it’s not the same as marriage and can cause major issues if a transgender person changes their sex). That people are persecuted and even killed for something they can’t help is very wrong.

I’ve probably avoided any bullying or similar over my sexuality only because it’s not well known, especially when I was younger. I’ve noticed that insults based on sexuality are less prevalent here than in America (especially noticeable when playing World of Warcraft- you can’t spend more than a couple of minutes in trade chat on the US realms without some insults based on sexuality being thrown around, whereas on the EU realms it’s very rare). It upsets me that people use sexuality to insult people and to bully people.

I feel marriage should be available to any consenting adults. I don’t even think it should necessarily be restricted to two adults. If all parties are happy and give consent, then they should be able to marry. I think it will take a lot longer to open marriage up to more than two people, and possibly there are less people who are wanting it (though I could be wrong on that) but I’m hoping that marriage will eventually be available to all who want it. I also hope that the institutional homophobia that occurs in religions and other places will be seen as unacceptable and given a lot less power in the future.

Being bisexual doesn’t make me any less of a person. It doesn’t make me any less of a Christian. That some people believe that makes me sad.

(I’ve not been doing very well today as I’m still having tummy issues and my brain fog is bad, so if this post makes no sense, is overly repetitive, or similar that is why. I’m happy to receive any corrections that are needed.)

12 thoughts on “Sexual Identity

  1. Great post Danni, articulate, thoughtful and powerful. interesting you have managed to reconcile your Christian beliefs with homo/bisexuality there are a lot of people who can’t and it is exactly those kind of moral contradictions that led me on the path towards atheism!

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