The Advantages of Being Disabled

I want to make it clear that I’d give anything to not be ill and be able to do stuff for myself, and most of this list is not through choice, but since I’m in this position (almost completely bed bound and incontinent) I like to look at the positives of my situation.

• If I’m in the middle of something, I don’t have to get up to go to the toilet. I just go where I am (I don’t have any choice in this as I have no control, but it’s great when I’m in the middle of a fight in World of Warcraft or similar).
• I have all my meals in bed. Sometimes I even get fed.
• I get to order people around to do what I want. (I do normally ask :-P)
• I can wear pyjamas all the time if I want. All clothes are chosen for comfort first.
• Nearly all appointments take place in my room. It’s very rare I need to travel somewhere, and when I do I do so lying down.
• I have a cool electric bed that lets me raise my head, legs or even the whole bed at the touch of a button.
• I get awesome drugs that would fetch quite a bit on the black market.
• My lights are remote controlled.
• When I can get out of bed, I never have to worry about finding a seat as I take one everywhere I go. With my Trabasack I have my own table as well.
• I can drink lying down with my eyes closed using my Hydrant.
• I don’t need to wear shoes if I don’t want to.
• If it’s cold, I can always have my blanket. And electric heat pad. And penguins.
• When I go to hospital, I take my own pillows and quilt with me.
• I get paid to stay in bed all day.
• I can nap almost whenever I want.
• I never do the cooking. Or any housework.
• I have a massive U-shaped pillow that holds me in place so I don’t have to use any extra energy to stay comfy.
• I can’t be late for most appointments. And if I am late for a hospital appointment, it’s never my fault.
• I’m not allowed to pick stuff up if I drop them. Someone else does it for me.
• I can’t get sunburnt.
• I don’t need to worry about catching public transport.
• People aren’t surprised if I act odd- it’s almost expected.
• I can go on my computer whenever I’m well enough.
• I’m always surrounded by penguins.