Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgh

I am not coping. My brain is twisting everything to make it bad. I’m trying to fight it but it’s so hard. It was nice carers today but even then I panicked too much to have anything done. Tiny things like receiving a Facebook message or someone dropping something makes my head feel like it’s exploding. I’m not nice to be around.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. If not will try and see the doctor as my anxiety has been getting worse for a bit and though I’m not sure she can do anything she definitely can’t if she doesn’t know about it. Bleh.

Adventures in Penguin Shopping

Went out today! First went into Gateshead and got my head shaved at a barbershop (they initially said they couldn’t do me until Johan explained what I wanted). I now have basically no hair and it feels weird but it’ll be nice to not have to worry about washing it for a while.

I felt okay and we were a bit hungry so decided to go into Newcastle for food. We went to Wagamama as I’d never been there before and Johan likes it. I had dumplings which were very nice. Getting the Metro was difficult as it was as everyone was travelling to see the Newcastle football match, but we managed to get me on.

We went to Grainger Market next, where Johan failed to find any games in the retro gaming shop and I found a penguin cupcake in French Oven. I’m still full from lunch so will have to eat it later. Next was Geek Retreat which was very crowded. I think I’ll go back when there’s less people as it was hard to see what was there, but I had a nice hot chocolate.

Looked in Forbidden Planet and then Travelling Man. I couldn’t find anything I wanted in Forbidden Planet but bought Pandemic from Travelling Man as I’ve been interested in it for a while and we were wanting a game that works well with two players. Getting around these small shops is hard in my tank 😛

We were starting to think about home, but the Newcastle match had just finished and I knew the Metro would be packed. I also had misplaced my gloves and as the temperature was now below freezing asked to go to Primark to buy some more. On the way Johan looked in PC World for a keyboard (he couldn’t find the one be wanted) and I got confused by the pile of monitors in the middle of the aisle in a shop which is otherwise easy to get around (though the displays are too high for a wheelchair user).

In Primark I found some really big penguin thermal socks, and then two different pairs of penguin gloves. We looked at the warm slippers but couldn’t find any in my size. While doing so I managed to knock the penguin cushion under my legs so I couldn’t feel it, and thought I’d dropped it. We ended up backtracking and Johan asked the staff before he checked and found it. Near the counter I spied a multipack of normal penguin socks, so bought them as well. While helping me sort things out Johan found the gloves I’d already been wearing under the Trabasack but I’d bought penguin stuff so it was worth it. I was very tired by now so we went home.

It’s been a really good day. I probably overdid it but it’ll have been worth it. The most exhausting thing wasn’t being in my chair and it, but trying to communicate as I had no voice and typing was difficult while moving. I think if I go out when I can’t speak again I should take a Bluetooth keyboard as it’ll make typing much easier.

Tomorrow if I feel okay I want to go on my computer as I’ve not been on since fixing my tablet and I think it’s been over a week since I was on to do fun stuff. I also need to start finalising my Christmas shopping lists. Before then though I think I need to sleep 😛

Music is Good

The original plan was to go until Newcastle to see Becca but she wasn’t able to make it so as I’m tired we’re going out tomorrow instead. Hopefully I’ll get more than the 1 1/2 hours of sleep I managed this morning.

I’ve mostly been playing the game Loop on my tablet today. It’s very addictive and good for when I don’t have much brain power as I find it easy to work out.

When everyone was out I put the music on the telly really loud* as I couldn’t disturb anyone. I was singing along and flapping and my heart rate went over 150bpm. Whoops. Guess that’s my exercise for the week and I hope I don’t get payback. I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for the FitBit as I felt okay at the time. I also made a couple of loom band bracelets to try some new patterns. I’m managing intermediate level stuff now 🙂

Hoping tomorrow I’ll be awake enough to out as I really want to get my hair shaved off. There’s a barbers in Gateshead that looks good so will see if they’re up to the challenge of managing it with me in my chair. I was thinking of Newcastle but maybe on a Saturday a few weeks before Christmas isn’t the best time. I’ll go into Newcastle on a weekday to see Fenwick’s window 🙂 I’m tired enough now to sleep through to morning if my brain will let me. Nicky’s new body is so soft and fluffy that I love cuddling them.

*Really loud = volume 20 instead of volume 15.