"I find penguins at present the only comfort in life. One feels everything in the world so sympathetically ridiculous; one can't be angry when one looks at a penguin." – John Ruskin
Watched Doctor Who with Esther. Too many feels. Argh that episode. *Sniff*
Anxiety is still bad but I managed to let the carers help me a bit today. I know what my brain is telling me is completely irrational but it’s hard to argue with your own brain. I went on my computer and managed to organise some tickets to see the Enchanted Park next month, even sending emails to sort out a carer ticket and why mine was broken. Also played some World of Warcraft where the guild boosted me through heroic Archimonde so I’ll be able to get a moose mount. Thank you Trivial 🙂
Also tried the Tavern Brawl in Hearthstone with Sammie. She was winning then I got a great set of cards which changed it so I won. Hopefully we’ll get another game in before it finishes.
Got out of bed while evening carer was here so my bedding could be changed. It was nice 🙂 Johan gave me hugs from behind. Stayed in my chair for about an hour.
Digestive system is now being very mean to me so I’m gonna curl up in a ball and ask for penguins to be heated. That seems like a good idea. If anyone knows how to make a brain stop telling me I’m evil, please let me know.
Had a very long sleep- from just after 8pm last night to 9.40am this morning. Unfortunately I’ve been feeling rather zombified and boaty today, so not been able to do much. What doesn’t help is my index finger on my left hand is sore from holding in the power button on my tablet yesterday. I’ve also been in more pain than is normal for me which is making me a tad grumpy.
Had two decent carers today. Yay! We got a phone call from the agency (Communication! Yay!) saying it would be a new carer and she’d be here about 10.30am as the one I was meant to have had called in sick, then the carer arrived just after 10am so we were a bit confused but it was okay. Had bacon for breakfast as Johan had dropped the last two duck eggs 😛
Spent most of the day reading articles online and blog posts, with a bit of tablet game playing as well. Luckily I’d backed up all my apps before changing the rom on my tablet so I didn’t lose any progress 🙂
Ow. Someone just slammed the communal door and the noise has made me lose my voice 🙁 Boo. Hopefully it’ll come back soon. Also made me nauseous but I’m hoping not to need cyclizine because I’m zombie enough.
The evening carer was one of my favourite ones from this agency. She made me salmon and chips for tea and helped me get into pyjamas and stuff. Was good. She’s meant to be coming on Friday evening so I was able to warn her I might not be in as seeing Becca. I hope the zombiness is gone by then.
I probably shouldn’t have started reading The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer yesterday. I thought it was one of my young adult dystopian books, not one about someone with mental illness. What I’ve read is good but maybe I’ll save finishing it for when I’m a bit less anxious and panicky. I read Among the Hidden by Margaret Peterson Haddix before that which I’d been wanting to read for years. That was good and I’m wanting to continue the series.
I’ve currently got a problem where I can’t sleep at night. Since that’s when other people sleep and most things happen during the day, that’s an issue. I’m hoping that I’ll soon get over the anxiety and paranoia that’s stopping me sleeping then.
Carer arrived this morning 50 minutes late, as the carer who was meant to be coming phoned in sick, and I was about to get stuff done when her perfume hit me. Since she was still standing in my doorway it must have been extremely strong as I was struggling to breathe without her coming close. I asked her to leave (no strong perfumes is on my care plan and door) and it took over half an hour for the smell to dissipate. Not what I was wanting. I was hoping to wake up for the evening carer, but they came in so quietly that Johan didn’t even realise they’d been until he heard her putting the keys back into the keysafe. I had set an alarm but it didn’t go off for some reason, so I’ll try again tomorrow. The one time I wanted to be woken up it didn’t happen 😛 (I don’t blame the carer for that.)
Spoke to Sammie this evening and she beat me in the Tavern Brawl in Hearthstone. She’s definitely getting better at the game- making better decisions and understanding what to do more. I took a break to watch Doctor Who then we talked after while she was playing Minecraft and I was working on a loom band bracelet. Speaking to her cheers me up loads 😀
My setup for making a loom band bracelet. Trabasack with loom, hook and bands sorted (plus spares as I didn’t know if I’d need any more).
I’ve managed to make two loom band bracelets in the last couple of days, both reversible and based off fishtail patterns. The first is called a reversible slipfish, and I made it with glitter jelly bands from my massive box of loom bands (it has 15,000 bands in that should keep me going for a bit). I first tried it a couple of days ago but made a mistake that was really noticeable and too far down to really repair, and I wasn’t happy with the way the colours had gone so while I couldn’t sleep last night I decided to start again. The design makes my hands sore and crampy quite quickly so I have to take a break every couple of minutes, but I managed to finish it tonight while talking to Sammie. I really like the design and I want to experiment with different ways of creating it to see what happens when I’m more confident. The only problem I really had was the glitter from the bands getting everywhere, so my bed Trabasack and top are now covered in glitter 🙂 The YouTube video tutorial is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTFCGpmHvEs.
The second is called the 5 pin funky fish, and I decided to use multicoloured bands for that one. As I made it using a monster loom it was a lot easier on my hands so I could go longer before needing breaks, and I managed to complete it in a couple of hours. I like how there’s two fishtails on one side and three on the other. The tutorial video is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBEjpMut7Yw. I’m getting better at making them though I still have an issue with bands twisting and sometimes making mistakes, though that’s also giving me lots of practice in how to go back and fix them. I think I might be able to consider loom knitting as not needing to hold everything up and being able to put it down whenever is what’s making this possible for me, along with only needing to concentrate on what one hand is doing (and I alternate them to try and cope with cramping).
One side of the reversible bracelets. The SlipFish is on the left, the 5 Pin Funky Fish is on the right.The other side of the reversible bracelets.
I’m hoping tomorrow to maybe be able to go out, or at least get into my chair. I’m also going to try really hard to be awake for the evening carer as I need my hair washing desperately. The next time I get into Gateshead or Newcastle when places are open I’m hoping to go to a barbers to get all my hair shaved off, but until then I’ll just need to figure out what to do with it.
I’m also looking for dystopian young adult fiction where romance isn’t one of the central themes. This is harder than it should be. Why does it always have to involve love interests, and often a love triangle? There’s more important things to be doing! Silly books. I noticed as a kid that most pop songs were about love or romance in some way, and didn’t like it. Even now I get irritated by many songs are like that. Come up with other topics please?
Before I come off puter tonight I’m hoping to catch up on some more of the Blizzcon panels I missed, and work out what bracelet to make next. This is addicting 🙂
Has been a weird day. My original plan was to have the morning carer make me bacon and eggs, sleep until the evening carer, have my hair washed then go on my puter to speak to Sammie. It didn’t go to plan.
The carer this morning just never showed up. It was very windy so every time I heard a noise I was on edge just in case it was the key safe. Johan stayed until 10.30am then had to leave for his day service, so he gave me some fruit as I was hungry and he didn’t have time to cook me anything. I stayed awake until 12.30am and though someone knocked on the door around 11.30am, I don’t know who it was and if it was a carer they’re meant to use the key safe as I’m not able to let them in.
Since I didn’t get to sleep until 12.30pm, I didn’t wake up until 7pm, missing the evening carer (who did come, and was a nice one who is going to ask the agency why carers aren’t showing up). Once painkillers had kicked in and things I went on puter to talk to Sammie and Johan made me bacon and eggs. The food was nommy (they were duck eggs for a treat) and Sammie has had a really good day so that cheered me up really well. She told me she was glad that I’m autistic as she thinks it’s better for her, as she’s grown up knowing about it and her best friend is also autistic. I thought that was really sweet 🙂
After both downloading the Hearthstone patch we managed a quick game of the tavern brawl before she had to go to bed. She’s asked me to tell her the backstory of Nefarian and Ragnaros so I need to revise that before I next speak to her (I kinda know it from playing World of Warcraft but it’s been a while since I’ve been in Blackrock so it’s a bit fuzzy). I had a lucky win, as I was Raggy and my hero power hit Nef’s face. If it had missed Sammie probably would have won 😛
I was on a big high from talking to Sammie and planning to talk to her again tomorrow, when I saw the news about the attacks in Paris. I have a friend visiting there and he’s okay, but I really hope it ends soon. I hate it when bad things happen and I hope those behind it are brought to justice. For now I just want everyone to stay safe, and I’ll keep praying.
Today is a bad day. Lots of panicking and no speech and being terrified someone was breaking in when home alone. Silly brain.
Here are some kittehs from the kitteh game Neko Atsume. My sister Becca has also adopted a kitten and asked me for a name so she’s now called Luna. I’ll post a picture of Luna when able to figure it out.
