A Long Day

Today has been an interesting day. I woke up about 6.30am, being properly awake by about 7.3oam. This is becoming normal for me, though I do miss being a night owl a bit. Will be good for Friday morning, though. I had to wake Johan up as he’d put his doctors appointment in the calendar for 8.50am and he takes ages to wake up because of his mirtazapine.

Got Johan up (yay cuddles) and he went to the doctors surgery, where he discovered his appointment was for 9.50am, not 8.50am. This caused him to panic, though I helped him calm down with more cuddles. Sent him out again at 9.40am, then got increasingly anxious and panicky while he was gone, worrying about him :p (I’d recently been going to his appointments with him as he found it easier with me there, but I’m too ill to do that now). He was fine, though had a bit of an anxiety attack. We had more cuddles, and things were okay.

The carer’s association people came in the afternoon, and that went okay. Johan got an email from my social worker in the middle of it which made me angry (the agency have been lying to him). Things are hopefully going to improve as the carer’s association people are going to help Johan with stuff and have told him about a digital photography group he can go to, which would be good for him.

This evening we had Chinese, as I was craving won tons (I had won ton soup and crispy won tons :p). I also managed to go into World of Warcraft for the first time in a few days, which was cool. Our friend Bluesapphire  has been made guild master, which is awesome as she was basically running the guild anyway 🙂 Sammie’s Nintendo 3DS also arrived, and I can confirm it is very pink 🙂

Oh, and today I actually managed to get dressed :p In clean pyjamas now. Little things like that make me happy.

 

Christmas Shopping

This will be a short post as I am super tired and about to sleep.

Today I started my Christmas shopping. I got Sammie a Nintendo 3DS in pink as that’s what she wants. I hope she likes it 🙂 I’ve also started looking at what other presents she wants for both Christmas and her birthday (on Boxing Day). I also was told some of the sweet things she has been saying- one of them made me cry.

I also sent an email to an Amazon seller who wanted more information about an order I’d placed, received my new laptop battery which hopefully will make it run a bit better, and wrote a list of things for the hospital on Friday. I was hoping to get a wash and some clean pyjamas, but that didn’t happen. Maybe tomorrow. I also had lots of cuddles, then discovered that cuddles are exhausting and make me feel ill 🙁

Tomorrow Johan is at the doctors in the morning and the carer’s association people are coming in the afternoon. Hopefully it will be okay.

When Being Ill Sucks

I am awake and it’s nearly 5am. This is okay, as I had some sleep yesterday evening and I’ll sleep again whenever I get sleepy. I have no commitments or reasons to be awake at a certain time at the moment, so I’ll just do what my body wants it to do.

Sometimes though I wish I wasn’t ill, especially not as ill as this. I’m stuck in bed most to all of the day, and spend all my time in one room, the living room. I only manage to get out of bed occasionally because my computer chair is reachable from my bed, and because Johan helps me with going to the toilet and sometimes with baths. I can mostly cope with this, and my bed is pretty comfy and I have lots of pillows. Boredom isn’t a major issue because I talk to people on Twitter instead. But I am missing out, and that is not so good.

I missed Colin’s wedding. He’s one of my best friends, and I love him for it. I would have loved to have been there to see him get married and meet his step children (I have met his wife before as Colin brought her here to meet me). It was only in Gateshead, so if I’d been able to sit up for a bit I would have been able to go, but I was too ill so couldn’t.

My friends are going to a Christmas party, run by ME North East. There’s also an AYME meetup on the same day. I’m not well enough to go to either, even if it wasn’t the day after going into hospital to have my teeth removed. I need to lie down too much to be able to attempt it.

I’ve been invited to the Interface Christmas dinner. More friends, people I love spending time with. Unless I improve drastically in the next week, I won’t be well enough to go to that, either. I can talk to them on Facebook, but it’s not really the same.

I miss going to Church. I know that God doesn’t mind if I don’t go because of illness, but I miss the communal worship. Although I pray alone, it’s not the same. This is especially important at Christmas, as I love the Christmas carols that are sung and the Christmas story, told over advent.

I do appreciate that I am still a lot better than some people, and that I’m lucky to have my internet access so I can talk to people, especially since a lot of the time I’m too ill for visitors. It can just be hard though knowing I’m too ill to even go places in my wheelchair, and to be completely reliant on someone else to even stay fed.

Rambling without Walking

Today has been a bad day physically. I have been a lot weaker and felt a lot more ill than normal. I am not sure if this is payback from last week or something else. Apart from needing Johan to feed me (too weak/uncoordinated to manage a fork) and to hold me up on the toilet though I have been mostly okay just lying in bed. I also had a long nap.

Twitter has kept me company. I can still type, though it feels harder than normal (the keys keep refusing to go down for me), I can manage my tablet by resting it on stuff, and helping it fall into place to move it. So I have spent most of the day talking to friendly people. I am wanting to get a pet- probably a small caged animal, though I have to research whether it will be suitable and whether I will be able to look after it properly. It wouldn’t be until after Christmas anyhow.

Johan is rambling on about converting and tagging music. I am making noises when it seems appropriate, since my brain is too foggy to understand what he’s going on about. He does have permission to talk at me though 🙂

It has been weird not having to worry about who is going to turn up today, but also kind of freeing. It meant I felt okay about falling asleep an hour before they’d normally turn up, as I used to feel guilty to do that as they wouldn’t be able to do any personal care (and most of them wouldn’t do any housework, so there was no point in them coming).

We have no commitments or anything to worry about until Tuesday, when Johan goes to the doctor and the carer’s association people come here to try and sort things out. This is good. I think I will be resting lots and just doing what I can manage when I can manage it.

Goodbye “Carers”

We’ve cancelled all the carers. This morning I was actually looking forward to the carer coming, as the rota said it was lovely Icelandic carer and she’s awesome. Unfortunately it wasn’t her- the carer who made me really ill on Saturday turned up instead, an hour late. We hadn’t been told that we were getting her, or we would have cancelled in advance, because she makes both of us anxious, doesn’t read or follow the care plan, and doesn’t do anything because I can’t have her touch me since she made me so ill and as she won’t read the care care plan never even stayed long enough to be asked to do some basic housework.

This was the last straw. We’ve been having problems with the agency (DH Healthcare) for months, and things were only getting worse. There is no consistency- the lowest amount of different carers I’ve had is 7 in a week (we got 13 calls a week). Back when I used to have two carers in the evening, it wouldn’t be unusual to have 15 different carers. I’m autistic, so find new people difficult to deal with. They would show up randomly, or not show up at all. Carers on the rota would be replaced with someone randomly. We were never informed of any changes. We had to ban some carers because they were so bad they’d make me ill, and they’d still turn up on the rota so we’d have to cancel the call. The carers that were good and we liked we were seeing less and less of. The agency refused to tell new carers anything about me before arriving, which meant they expected two people with communication problems to do their work for them. Some of the carers were so rough they’d cause me to scream in pain. Some wouldn’t follow any instructions. Some would talk to me in such a way it would make me absolutely terrified. A lot of the carers would rush- my calls were 45 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes for a normal night call and an hour for a bath call specifically so I could take things slowly and rest when I needed to. Most of the carers would not read the care plan, so wouldn’t follow it. There was even one carer who when told what was on the care plan, actually refused to follow it, as she “didn’t do domestic” (my care plan included some basic housework, as it was to try and help Johan out as well). A lot of the carers would not take my communication difficulties into account, even when told about them- I cannot cope with open questions, but they’d persist in asking them. Quite a few would blatantly lie- to us, the agency and on the record sheet they are supposed to fill in.

There were some good carers. They’d listen to us, take things slowly, treat us as equals rather than talk down to us, try and help me maintain my dignity while helping me. They’d use their initiative- if there were dishes to be done, they’d do them without having to be asked to. We’re going to miss those carers. Unfortunately I’ve seen very little of them recently, as they very rarely appeared on my rota.

We’ve tried complaining. We’ve had lots of meetings to try and sort things out, and they never were. Johan has also been struggling recently, so hasn’t been able to complain every time something went wrong (which would have meant him having to complain about 5 times a week). I’ve tried telling my social worker, but he doesn’t seem to actually care.

The care agency mostly caters for older people. I am scared for the other people they are meant to be providing care for, as I’m a young person who isn’t afraid to complain, and there have been a lot of problems. I also have Johan to look after me, especially when they’ve just not turned up. They couldn’t meet my needs, but refused to say this and continued to send out people who were not able to deal with them. In the last week there’s been lots on the news about how home care for older people breaches their human rights (for example http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-15836500), and I wasn’t surprised because I’ve experienced some of it for myself.

I know that my needs are quite specific, but most of them aren’t too hard for anyone to implement. I need people who can be quiet when talking to me and working, and who don’t wear strong perfume. I need people to understand that I do have communication issues, so I’d rather they ask specific questions for what I want doing (all listed on the care plan, and I even had a list with just those printed for them). I need people to understand that because my M.E. is variable, there will be days where I’ll want more personal care, and other days when I’m too ill for any, so maybe they could go tidy the kitchen a bit instead. If for some reason I can’t cope with them being here (sometimes when I’m very ill I can’t cope with any extra noise or movement) they need to leave as soon as we tell them.

The biggest things I need though are consistency. I need a low number of total carers, so we can teach them our ways. I need them to come when they say they’re going to (at the same times each week), and to tell us if there’s going to be any changes. I also need them not to come early, as I find that causes me to panic (though they can be up to an hour late, I’d like to be told if it’ll be more than half an hour, though).

We’re currently trying to swap to direct payments, and although we were initially after a personal assistant, we’ve now realised that just going with a different care agency may work instead. My care plan is also out of date, as it was written up in May, when I was able to do a lot more for myself. Most of my personal care Johan can do, though he struggles a bit with washing my hair and plaiting (he’s gotten good at brushing it now I have a tangle teezer) and isn’t confident with the idea of brushing my teeth. He really needs help with housework though, and that’s one of the things my care package is meant to help with, so he can concentrate on looking after me.

This has got a bit long, so I’m going to leave it there, but I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about the carers any more. Hopefully things will start to improve soon.