"I find penguins at present the only comfort in life. One feels everything in the world so sympathetically ridiculous; one can't be angry when one looks at a penguin." – John Ruskin
Anxiety is ebil. Not being able to sleep at night because scared someone will break in or have a violent fight or other silly things that aren’t likely but my brain insists will happen when I’m asleep. I stayed awake for the morning carer and no-one showed up. It was about 12pm before I managed to fall asleep.
Being asleep most of the day means I’ve done nothing productive. Pain levels have been higher than normal and I’m not sure why. I need to do a food shop but it requires more brain power than I have right now. Decided I’m not getting out of bed until Friday and we have a plan for if I’m still hurting so much then.
I’m getting a bit obsessed with Neko Atsume. My current strategy is to buy the most expensive items first. I’m starting to get lots of mementos which is awesome 🙂
Johan is helping by sitting in my room, dosing me up on painkillers and heating penguins. We found a hole in Nicky’s wing so I’ve bought her a new body and Patricia (Johan’s penguin) is helping in the meantime. I’ve noticed it’s the newer penguins developing holes which is concerning. I hope the new one lasts longer. I also took the opportunity to buy noise cancelling headphones, a second Rainbow Loom and 2100 loom bands for 46p. The advantage of getting into it late 🙂
I’m ho
I’m hoping tomorrow will be better. At least there are penguins 🙂
Had a very long sleep- from just after 8pm last night to 9.40am this morning. Unfortunately I’ve been feeling rather zombified and boaty today, so not been able to do much. What doesn’t help is my index finger on my left hand is sore from holding in the power button on my tablet yesterday. I’ve also been in more pain than is normal for me which is making me a tad grumpy.
Had two decent carers today. Yay! We got a phone call from the agency (Communication! Yay!) saying it would be a new carer and she’d be here about 10.30am as the one I was meant to have had called in sick, then the carer arrived just after 10am so we were a bit confused but it was okay. Had bacon for breakfast as Johan had dropped the last two duck eggs 😛
Spent most of the day reading articles online and blog posts, with a bit of tablet game playing as well. Luckily I’d backed up all my apps before changing the rom on my tablet so I didn’t lose any progress 🙂
Ow. Someone just slammed the communal door and the noise has made me lose my voice 🙁 Boo. Hopefully it’ll come back soon. Also made me nauseous but I’m hoping not to need cyclizine because I’m zombie enough.
The evening carer was one of my favourite ones from this agency. She made me salmon and chips for tea and helped me get into pyjamas and stuff. Was good. She’s meant to be coming on Friday evening so I was able to warn her I might not be in as seeing Becca. I hope the zombiness is gone by then.
I probably shouldn’t have started reading The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer yesterday. I thought it was one of my young adult dystopian books, not one about someone with mental illness. What I’ve read is good but maybe I’ll save finishing it for when I’m a bit less anxious and panicky. I read Among the Hidden by Margaret Peterson Haddix before that which I’d been wanting to read for years. That was good and I’m wanting to continue the series.
Been awake since last night so very tired. Morning carer didn’t come into the flat (door was unlocked and she’s meant to have keys anyway) so didn’t have a care call this morning. Johan had just got out of the shower so couldn’t get the door when she knocked on the door. We thought it it must have been for another flat or something.
Managed to soft brick my tablet trying to install a new rom. It was stuck in a boot loop and I couldn’t even get into recovery so had to go on puter for a bit to fix it. Sorted now but I hope not to do that again any time soon. Once I’ve finished configuring my apps again I’m going to take a backup and try not to break recovery so I can use it if I need to. I’m still pretty pleased I was able to fix it without Johan’s help.
I had buttered toast this morning that tasted so good. I think I need to convince Johan he’s good at it so he’ll make me more 🙂 I’ve had too much fruit and veg the last few days so my digestive system has been more painful and bloaty than normal for me. One day I’ll learn they’re bad for Danni’s in anything other than small portions. They stay in my stomach longer than pretty much anything else as well.
Hopefully staying awake until 8pm will fix my sleeping pattern. I hope so as I’ve got stuff I want to do. If not then I at least hope I’ll be awake on Friday.
In the early hours of this morning I made most of a loom band penguin that I just need to stuff and then finish, but this morning I managed to misplace it so I need to find it so I can do so and take photos. I discovered when trying to make the wings that my hands just aren’t coordinated enough to do crochet or knitting, as I kept dropping stuff while trying to loop and having to start again. At least on the loom I only have to worry about one hand at a time 🙂
I managed to be awake for the morning carer. She seemed to think 5 seconds of teeth brushing is enough. I know I don’t often manage 2 minutes but that’s short even for me. She did make me bacon and eggs though which were nice.
Since then I’ve slept most of the day and only woke up at half eleven. Hoping to see my sister Becca on Friday with her fiancé so will be resting up for that. It’s been ages since I saw her so that’ll be nice 🙂
Now I’m hungry so I need to ask Johan to make me some food. I just hope he doesn’t complain too much. One day I’ll fix my sleeping pattern but apparently not today.
I’ve currently got a problem where I can’t sleep at night. Since that’s when other people sleep and most things happen during the day, that’s an issue. I’m hoping that I’ll soon get over the anxiety and paranoia that’s stopping me sleeping then.
Carer arrived this morning 50 minutes late, as the carer who was meant to be coming phoned in sick, and I was about to get stuff done when her perfume hit me. Since she was still standing in my doorway it must have been extremely strong as I was struggling to breathe without her coming close. I asked her to leave (no strong perfumes is on my care plan and door) and it took over half an hour for the smell to dissipate. Not what I was wanting. I was hoping to wake up for the evening carer, but they came in so quietly that Johan didn’t even realise they’d been until he heard her putting the keys back into the keysafe. I had set an alarm but it didn’t go off for some reason, so I’ll try again tomorrow. The one time I wanted to be woken up it didn’t happen 😛 (I don’t blame the carer for that.)
Spoke to Sammie this evening and she beat me in the Tavern Brawl in Hearthstone. She’s definitely getting better at the game- making better decisions and understanding what to do more. I took a break to watch Doctor Who then we talked after while she was playing Minecraft and I was working on a loom band bracelet. Speaking to her cheers me up loads 😀
My setup for making a loom band bracelet. Trabasack with loom, hook and bands sorted (plus spares as I didn’t know if I’d need any more).
I’ve managed to make two loom band bracelets in the last couple of days, both reversible and based off fishtail patterns. The first is called a reversible slipfish, and I made it with glitter jelly bands from my massive box of loom bands (it has 15,000 bands in that should keep me going for a bit). I first tried it a couple of days ago but made a mistake that was really noticeable and too far down to really repair, and I wasn’t happy with the way the colours had gone so while I couldn’t sleep last night I decided to start again. The design makes my hands sore and crampy quite quickly so I have to take a break every couple of minutes, but I managed to finish it tonight while talking to Sammie. I really like the design and I want to experiment with different ways of creating it to see what happens when I’m more confident. The only problem I really had was the glitter from the bands getting everywhere, so my bed Trabasack and top are now covered in glitter 🙂 The YouTube video tutorial is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTFCGpmHvEs.
The second is called the 5 pin funky fish, and I decided to use multicoloured bands for that one. As I made it using a monster loom it was a lot easier on my hands so I could go longer before needing breaks, and I managed to complete it in a couple of hours. I like how there’s two fishtails on one side and three on the other. The tutorial video is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBEjpMut7Yw. I’m getting better at making them though I still have an issue with bands twisting and sometimes making mistakes, though that’s also giving me lots of practice in how to go back and fix them. I think I might be able to consider loom knitting as not needing to hold everything up and being able to put it down whenever is what’s making this possible for me, along with only needing to concentrate on what one hand is doing (and I alternate them to try and cope with cramping).
One side of the reversible bracelets. The SlipFish is on the left, the 5 Pin Funky Fish is on the right.The other side of the reversible bracelets.
I’m hoping tomorrow to maybe be able to go out, or at least get into my chair. I’m also going to try really hard to be awake for the evening carer as I need my hair washing desperately. The next time I get into Gateshead or Newcastle when places are open I’m hoping to go to a barbers to get all my hair shaved off, but until then I’ll just need to figure out what to do with it.
I’m also looking for dystopian young adult fiction where romance isn’t one of the central themes. This is harder than it should be. Why does it always have to involve love interests, and often a love triangle? There’s more important things to be doing! Silly books. I noticed as a kid that most pop songs were about love or romance in some way, and didn’t like it. Even now I get irritated by many songs are like that. Come up with other topics please?
Before I come off puter tonight I’m hoping to catch up on some more of the Blizzcon panels I missed, and work out what bracelet to make next. This is addicting 🙂
